the boys went to the casino, i drove. reminded that without God, i suck. thank you.

before school started, sunday night, i was restless and bored. the boys knew it, so they asked if i'd take them for a drive. and so i did! i'll often just take off up the toll road, but this time, i decided that there was really no reason to limit myself and pay for it! so we headed up 35. i wasn't really keeping track of where exactly we were at what time-and i don't think i realized that the oklahoma border was really as close as it was. when the music is good, these things don't even matter. before we knew it, we were at the casino...at that point, i really should've called bmayes and had her meet us in ardmore for a late ihop date--who says you can't act like a college student, years removed? i mean, she is still actively participating in all things college, while playing sorority games, so she could handle it and is probably used to it!

we weren't too far from italy and new york...? the boys didn't understand why they couldn't go in, as they really felt they were prepared for a little black jack after watching my dad play solitaire...i guess to dogs, cards are cards...

school started back up on monday, and i was certainly ready. not so much ready to work, but ready to be around people so that i could appreciate coming home to be alone. does that make sense? tonight i was reminded that i really do like being around people, but really i don't like just being around any-ol'-people, i mostly like to be around certain types of people-people who share the same values...not that i don't like people who don't share the same values and that i won't hang out with them, but the people who actually do energize me, my inner circle (which is small) are those who have a very similar set of beliefs. don't judge.

something else that was brought to my attention tonight was something that i really don't think of very often as often as i should. i think a lot of it is in the messaging, and it was good to humble myself within the message. i am going to agree with one of my friends- there is nothing about me that would be nice, were it not for God. my words, my actions, if it weren't for God, i don't think i'd be a happy person. life is full of too many disappointments to be truly peaceful and joyful without God. i'm so thankful i got to hear that tonight, because sometimes i put more stock in myself and forget that really, me without God = hot mess. thank you.

yesterday was day two of pd with no students, and i was supposed to present for writing, but we ended up with one group. nafia, a teacher and dear friend from my school had also been asked to present. now, i LOVE presenting and doing these trainings, in part, because i am a performer-i remember after a piano recital in 9th grade, my piano teacher approached me and didn't comment on my tantalizing agility and the dexterity of my phalanges...nope, she approached me and said, "julie, a parent came up and said you'd be a great actress with that type of presence." umm..thank you? i wasn't even sure what to say, so i just pretended it was a good thing...but i digress. i do so enjoy being in front of people, but this was an opportunity to let one of my teachers shine and take the lead in a subject area that she truly loves. i was proud to see her flow through it, and there were moments that i was able to help out with certain areas that she was not as familiar with-it was fun, and hopefully we will get more opportunities to present together in the future.

then i ran last night a little over a mile (gotta' keep working on this so that i can be ready for the firefly fun race in march!) but then i continued to walk the three more miles home, and i tried to run again, but my knee said no, so i walked until i was about 3/4 mile from home and i said, "knee, you don't have a choice, let's go!" and so we went, and today i am feeling every single year of my age! yikes. so today is an off day, and i am hoping that tomorrow brings rain so i can blame the rain for an off day..just sayin'.

seriously though, if i hadn't stopped, i could've kept going; my body was able, my mind is weak. but once i stopped, i was going to switch to interval running the rest of the way, but for real, the knee...i must take aleve before my next outing-i'm sure that will help. also i now know that i need to just keep going until i really cannot, otherwise i won't be able to just pick up again so quickly (hopefully it was just a weird night).

the kids came back today, so there was noise. the down side- i cannot jog down the hallway to my room to get what i need, as i have to be a model of all things elementary-school-appropriate. sigh. so fast walk it is.

and...i may or may not have made a purchase that i am super excited about! thank you bmayes! my keurig is great, although recently, i'll have to agree with b, it seems that my coffee has been a bit watered down. so i am really excited about my soon to be new aeropress because in the words of b: ALL THE HIPSTER COFFEE SNOBS SAY AMAZING THINGS ABOUT IT SO IT SEEMS LEGIT. that sold me. see video here. i am like a kid waiting for Christmas...only not really at all. i'm like an adult waiting for a better coffee. much better!

goodnight!
julie

grateful...that's all.

sometimes God brings people into your life to make himself more evident and more known. interestingly enough, he has his perfect way of doing this, and sometimes it's through the most unlikely unexpected people in the most normal of situations. for this i am thankful.

shortly before going to inacol, i went out with some girls from work and we had the craziest of conversations. within the conversation, we discussed church, which was what led to this post. so when i said i texted a friend, i actually texted an acquaintance, who has since become a friend-which i am going to attribute 100% to God and his great wisdom and grace. every once in awhile i meet people outside of kamp, whom i truly wish could have experienced it because they would fit in, hands down...prime example. these are the times i wish my worlds could collide because i hate that friends from both realms don't get the opportunity to appreciate each other, as i know it'd be a freakin' awesome get-together!!

but i digress...living in dallas over the past three years has not been easy, and certainly not much fun. when alisha and bmayes moved away...and the oklahoma crew dispersed, life became much more solitary. while i do need alone time to recharge, when there is absolutely no one apart from the boys, it was getting old, monotonous and borderline melancholy. so the idea of having people around to play with-who actually enjoy several of the same things-makes all the difference.

like i said before, God has a better understanding of what i need than even i do...and he has used it to draw me closer to him. how, you ask? well...i'm a little ashamed of the fact that ever since i moved over to this side of town, and further away from lakepoint, i haven't found a church. i'd visit a few here and there with nika and bmayes from time to time when b was in town, but nothing that ever stuck. and once she was gone, and nika was super involved in a megachurch (which really didn't appeal to me at the time--remember that outgoing introvert thing?)...i really had no desire to go looking on my own. so, finding someone who really does desire to go, who loves music and worship, and who really desires to know God more is a godsend. here's to exciting new adventures-both church and non-church related! 

not only that, but an added bonus: exercise accountability, and trying new things!

yes, please, on a bed of spaghetti squash!

thank GOD my grandma didn't look like this! but also, thank God i've been introduced to this hot chocolate, because it is so like the chai tea i used to sit in the garage drinking while watching the storms roll in! nostalgic.

that said, it was an added bonus to be able to get to spend some time with nicolette and nafia during our time at inacol. i expect that we will be having some authentic conversations and fun adventures in the future!

by the pool-trying to get work done...

so...about a month ago, i agreed to take on a project to help work with curriculum, standards and alignment for a group that is working against the clock to try to pull together some college courses for education. i agreed because of the allure of doing something challenging, and making some money at the same time. the problem is that i didn't realize how involved it would be, and i had little context and zero direction-i came to a point at which it was really consuming me. every time i was with friends and wanting to be fully present, this burden was weighing on my mind. it was so difficult for me to swallow my pride, in part because i didn't want to let them down, after offering to take it on.

the truth is, i felt under-qualified and without having someone close to bounce ideas off of and get immediate in-the-moment feedback to point me in the right direction, i was beyond overwhelmed-especially because i hadn't taken into account how busy things would become over the next few weeks. i bowed out of the project, and in almost the same moment that i hit the send button, my heart and head were just a bit lighter. i knew it was the right decision.

i need to begin making choices from the lens of: life is short-moments count, friendships don't just happen-they are built by intentional acts and people are important-which i want to be so apparent after interacting with others, but sometimes i fall way short (opportunities for growth!).

with only one more day of school before the thanksgiving break, i look forward to spending time with friends-if it all works out as planned. i am thankful for much. i have much more than i need or deserve. one of the gifts that i am most thankful for is the gift of written communication. i speak not of blogging, mind you, i speak more to the art of the handwritten letter. i have said it before, and i say it again because my thoughts have not changed on this: there is nothing more endearing than a handwritten letter, as it holds so much authenticity! i do not write to receive letters, i write to reveal myself, so when i do receive such treasures, my heart melts a little, because it's the sharing of self-i absolutely loved being on the receiving end today-again, God in his wisdom-

one from a kamp friend, one from a classmate. #happyheart

may gratitude overwhelm you as you realize how blessed you are-
jrob