choosing gratitude and re-finding that forgotten enjoyment

ok, so here we are-almost halfway through january.

i need to get up to oklahoma soon to visit with bmayes, because it's been entirely too long. unfortunately this weekend-which would have been a great long weekend to play, she is unavailable...so another weekend it will have to be. that leaves this weekend open for adventure-not sure exactly what that will entail...spontaneity has never scared me! (watch me sit at home, watching t.v. or old movies...gah!) heaven forbid.

i have to go into the dentist once again the day after mlk jr day. mo' money (outta my pocket). it's all good-gotta' get this done and over with.

anyhoo, the other day, i received a very thoughtful gift, and i am pretty sure that i could have filled it all up in one sitting, because i have so much to be grateful for...i am a fortunate person- gratitude is a choice..and i choose it!

#friendsaremyfavorite

 yes, i am grateful for friends... adventure seekers, comfortable friends-[read: i could sit and read or color or just watch t.v., drive for hours, sit on the balcony, or just run errands and be perfectly content], lovers of God, transparent hearts, world-changers[even if it's just your corner of the world], lovers of fun, laughers, food lovers, eclectic music connoisseurs, new-thing-triers, encouragers, lighthouses, solid rocks, listeners, a needed shoulder in rough times, truth-speakers, advice givers...and so much more (lookin' at you bmayes, shea  nika, ally, nicolette, stacey k, brandy, stevie, carmen, erika, sheryl, trish, jo anne, laura, carla, hellen, carrie) <tip of the iceberg, there are so many others i can add too this list..and in another post, i will catch some of the people that i may not have mentioned here, because i can never completely express my gratitude for those friends who have chosen to enter into my life and stay for a bit. again, i am fortunate. i am grateful. to you i raise my glass, because while i try to be, i am not always on my "A" game...in fact sometimes i fail miserably. thanks for sticking around when i do.

i am guilty of not writing many letters as of late- i was doing so well, and then something happened and i have obviously fallen behind...so sorry! the great thing is: i received the perfect stationery to write on, and i will be getting back at it soon! my bad. i have also added to my card-arsenal...so there's that. now just to get the motivation. sometimes i can make a letter out of pretty much nothing....like looking out on the balcony and seeing bruno throw a piece of poop up into the air...for attention #truestory... but lately the ordinary and mundane are so much so, that this passtime which i love has not brought the enjoyment that it usually does...i think it may be kind of like when the lord spoke to haggai, because the people were like: oh...no, we don't want to do that, we're not feeling it...we really don't want to build the temple..the house of the Lord... and God was like...um. what? you have time to do this and that and make good for yourselves, but you don't have time to build my temple? (jerks), and they were like: just not feelin' it. and HE was like: whatevs, just DO IT. commit yourselves to do it, THEN i will give you the desire, after you make the commitment-when it's the idea of doing it because it's the right thing to do...then, i will give you the joy. so yes, i just need to suck it up and get back to what originally brought so much joy not only to me, but to building the kingdom-with the gifts i have been given.

again, thanks, because this is what i needed to kick-start one of the things that i am actually pretty good at. 

 what are the things in your life that you used to really enjoy doing, that now just seem a littleblah?  my challenge to you is to man up/ woman up, whatever, and just do, find your enjoyment again, because life is not meant to be lived in black and white. color. it's time to re-find that which brought color into your life! RE-FIND YOUR ENJOYMENT!

in other news, it is going to be a busy few weeks, both at school and...at school.

choose gratitude, there is so much to be thankful for-find it!
julie

don't play games with me...unless they're word games, then by all means! especially if there's music!

i think winter finally came to dallas...hopefully just for a short visit. it is so hard not to be envious of my friends in florida right now, as i see their pictures from the disney run, enjoying the incredible temps.

i don't think that i will be able to finish this post tonight, as my eyes are getting tired. *update-i finished*

i can't believe we've only been back to school for a week, last week seemed forever-long! perhaps it was because of the two pd/work days, and three days of data-hashing...mixed with map testing/trouble-shooting...whew!

my necessities last wed-fri for data meetings! kanakuk tervis courtesy of trish! 

fortunately we were able to go out friday night to the truck yard...unfortunately, someone had huge black x's on her hands because she didn't have her id with her...so we left and found another fun little restaurant on greenville...which is fine, because it was a great little joint, and now we have a great reason to go back-when the weather is a bit warmer.

before we met, i came home, and i was so excited because i had a package! i didn't open it yet, because i'd planned to go walking, and i had time to take my walk-i have a route that i am becoming particularly fond of, the only part that i don't like is that the 'ramps' that bridge the sidewalk to the street (like handicap accessible or bike-friendly, not sure which) are not as gradual as i would like, they are rather abrupt, and not great on the knees- i find myself opting for the step off the curb instead. anyhoo, other than that, it works well for me.

it was a late night, so i was surprised that i was actually up at a decent time the next morning. i am pretty sure i went for a walk around mid-morning, and then i got a little work done when i got home-particularly i was able to really clean up the kitchen area. i also got a start on the laundry. then i got a text from a friend about the possibility of playing scrabble later-not gonna' lie, i was thrilled because i love word games! but even more, it was just the gesture of 'hey, let's hang out' and i needed that-good timing. what made it even better timing, was that we played at dunn bros coffee house, and they had live music-a guitar/singing studio, so there were several performers, and there we were right up in the mix of it. good-times. interestingly enough, for obvious reasons-live music, we didn't really talk much-didn't really need to; it rather reminded me of hanging out with some of my other long-time friends who can just 'be,' and that is refreshing.

may there be more of this in the future #relaxing

ready to overcome the world!

ok, so i'm sure you may be wondering about that package. if you recall from this post, i shared how i came to learn of the aeropress...well, finally it had arrived!! i didn't get a chance to actually try it out until saturday, and i think i may have had a little more coffee than necessary because i just wanted to keep using it! smooth. so tonight, i decided i was going to go ahead and get an electric kettle to warm up the water more quickly and get the keurig out of the way. i am still not ready to be rid of it completely (hard to cut the cord..we've bonded over the past 6 years), but it is on the other side of the counter. (nobody puts baby in the corner...only, keurig is no dirty dancer, so it doesn't apply here).

 and yes, i ran errands with a friend tonight and made the leap to the electric kettle. while it is not nearly as cute as an ornate 'real' kettle, it sure heats the water up fast! it works for this apt-were i in an actual house, or NICE apt, i might be more inclined to get a cute kettle. (but really, am i sitting here babbling about kettles? who does that? least of all me-i didn't think that was where this post was going, but there were some really cute ones at teavanna in the galeria!) 

the sunset tonight was gorgeous, like a painted canvas

 umm...so yeah. it was a good weekend, i cannot believe we are back to school tomorrow! yikes. and it is much too late, i should be in bed. g'night!

julie

the prayer problem-or lack thereof

so...the past couple of days we have been in the training room at school with different grade levels working on data and intervention plans.which basically means it's been a little like this meme for me. i totally welcomed the occasional texts this morning for help with the MAP testing, and excused myself to go up and help in whatever capacity possible!! oh, you need to use the bathroom? sure i can come up to relieve you! no worries!!

yep, true story. 

today i was informed by a precious friend at school that she did not feel i was myself. 'not the firecracker, spunky julie' i think she may have been right, but i'm working through that. i am actually in the middle book about prayer that is taking me back to when i used to actually prayer journal-i was am a huge becki tirabassi fan, and 'my prayer partner' was a huge deal to me! i went through that binder and the extra packs of paper... i was consistent-and God was faithful! when did i stop doing that? what caused me to lose that focus? obvious answer here, but i really miss that, and i am actually going to begin to do this again, because one of the things that strengthens my relationship with God more than anything is that communication and awareness of my need and that he truly is the only one who is always there-no fail-

and to be honest, when i am not in a cycle of prayer, my focus is dimmed and blurry...my passion watered down. i begin to let things that shouldn't bother me, bother me. i need to settle myself and fall in love with my prayer life again. 

so today my knee was still a bit stiff- it felt kinda like something had been strained-perhaps just over-worked..i tried to start my walk with a run, but two steps and i was convinced that it was just going to have to be a walk, so we took off (me and the band...you didn't realize NEED TO BREATHE were into walking?) guessing that people didn't really appreciate me singing at a certain point with one of the songs i may or may not have had on repeat for the last half hour...deal wit it! it was a beautiful day and i couldn't keep myself from smiling! and amazingly enough, by the end of that walk, i didn't even notice my knee, so hopefully it's just as good tomorrow as it is right now (says me as i sit on the couch exerting 0-force) that's what fresh air, positive music and exercise will do for ya!

i'm missing excitement. my life was never meant to be boring...i am in dire need of something. not sure what, but do you ever just kinda feel antsy but with no real reason why? totally me. something's gotta give. 

goodnight!

julie

the boys went to the casino, i drove. reminded that without God, i suck. thank you.

before school started, sunday night, i was restless and bored. the boys knew it, so they asked if i'd take them for a drive. and so i did! i'll often just take off up the toll road, but this time, i decided that there was really no reason to limit myself and pay for it! so we headed up 35. i wasn't really keeping track of where exactly we were at what time-and i don't think i realized that the oklahoma border was really as close as it was. when the music is good, these things don't even matter. before we knew it, we were at the casino...at that point, i really should've called bmayes and had her meet us in ardmore for a late ihop date--who says you can't act like a college student, years removed? i mean, she is still actively participating in all things college, while playing sorority games, so she could handle it and is probably used to it!

we weren't too far from italy and new york...? the boys didn't understand why they couldn't go in, as they really felt they were prepared for a little black jack after watching my dad play solitaire...i guess to dogs, cards are cards...

school started back up on monday, and i was certainly ready. not so much ready to work, but ready to be around people so that i could appreciate coming home to be alone. does that make sense? tonight i was reminded that i really do like being around people, but really i don't like just being around any-ol'-people, i mostly like to be around certain types of people-people who share the same values...not that i don't like people who don't share the same values and that i won't hang out with them, but the people who actually do energize me, my inner circle (which is small) are those who have a very similar set of beliefs. don't judge.

something else that was brought to my attention tonight was something that i really don't think of very often as often as i should. i think a lot of it is in the messaging, and it was good to humble myself within the message. i am going to agree with one of my friends- there is nothing about me that would be nice, were it not for God. my words, my actions, if it weren't for God, i don't think i'd be a happy person. life is full of too many disappointments to be truly peaceful and joyful without God. i'm so thankful i got to hear that tonight, because sometimes i put more stock in myself and forget that really, me without God = hot mess. thank you.

yesterday was day two of pd with no students, and i was supposed to present for writing, but we ended up with one group. nafia, a teacher and dear friend from my school had also been asked to present. now, i LOVE presenting and doing these trainings, in part, because i am a performer-i remember after a piano recital in 9th grade, my piano teacher approached me and didn't comment on my tantalizing agility and the dexterity of my phalanges...nope, she approached me and said, "julie, a parent came up and said you'd be a great actress with that type of presence." umm..thank you? i wasn't even sure what to say, so i just pretended it was a good thing...but i digress. i do so enjoy being in front of people, but this was an opportunity to let one of my teachers shine and take the lead in a subject area that she truly loves. i was proud to see her flow through it, and there were moments that i was able to help out with certain areas that she was not as familiar with-it was fun, and hopefully we will get more opportunities to present together in the future.

then i ran last night a little over a mile (gotta' keep working on this so that i can be ready for the firefly fun race in march!) but then i continued to walk the three more miles home, and i tried to run again, but my knee said no, so i walked until i was about 3/4 mile from home and i said, "knee, you don't have a choice, let's go!" and so we went, and today i am feeling every single year of my age! yikes. so today is an off day, and i am hoping that tomorrow brings rain so i can blame the rain for an off day..just sayin'.

seriously though, if i hadn't stopped, i could've kept going; my body was able, my mind is weak. but once i stopped, i was going to switch to interval running the rest of the way, but for real, the knee...i must take aleve before my next outing-i'm sure that will help. also i now know that i need to just keep going until i really cannot, otherwise i won't be able to just pick up again so quickly (hopefully it was just a weird night).

the kids came back today, so there was noise. the down side- i cannot jog down the hallway to my room to get what i need, as i have to be a model of all things elementary-school-appropriate. sigh. so fast walk it is.

and...i may or may not have made a purchase that i am super excited about! thank you bmayes! my keurig is great, although recently, i'll have to agree with b, it seems that my coffee has been a bit watered down. so i am really excited about my soon to be new aeropress because in the words of b: ALL THE HIPSTER COFFEE SNOBS SAY AMAZING THINGS ABOUT IT SO IT SEEMS LEGIT. that sold me. see video here. i am like a kid waiting for Christmas...only not really at all. i'm like an adult waiting for a better coffee. much better!

goodnight!
julie

strange place, new ideas

insecurity.

even just writing the word...i'm really hoping that it's just that time of the month, and i'm overly sensitive, because i can't handle it. that intense gut-feeling that all is indeed not right. it's a strange place to be. please tell me that i'm not the only one who experiences this-i hate it... and if you do, i am so sorry.

i don't have any real details to share here, i just know that when i am unsettled, i tend to do more exercising (i felt this way at hearlight during my last few months), and walking, running, exercise seems to be the only real distraction... #whatswrongwithme. today it was pretty intense, and perhaps it's just a kick in the face from satan, as the sermon last night was excellent, and i've been given a commission for the new year to LOVE well-that can't be a good thing. today was rough. it's ok, tomorrow school starts and it will be better. 

Christmas was great, coming home was fine-i was able to get two dental appointments knocked out...new year's was good (which i've already spoken of)...and i was able to meet with jo anne, my former principal and mentor. I wish now that i'd started what i should have back when she was at our school. and after speaking to her yesterday, i have begun the process to begin moving forward on that path.  if i do this, it could lead to a longer dallas stay..sorry so vague, i'll feel better when i have everything in order.

the original plan was cindy's, but they had a gas main leak, so ihop it was! i wasn't disappointed (although i would've loved to try cindy's!)

i appreciate jo anne more than i can express. she is thoughtful and really sees the potential in me and lets me know-that means a lot. she is a busy woman, so the fact that she finds time for me, speaks volumes. 

- but i have not stopped looking at img in fl, as i am desperate for the beach and shea is certainly in a special category as far as friends go, and to be able to hang out and adventure with her is enticing!

i just made this dish:

it's a special fried rice recipe i found with cauliflower- i was pleased! i will have plenty extra- looking at you, andrea and jeri-i'll bring a taste tomorrow! 

i was excited to try something new with cauliflower, and i was not disappointed.

 not much else to tell-it will be good to get back into the swing of things and see everyone tomorrow! life is better than we perceive-be content tonight-if you are at a point of frustration, remember to look at others in the image of God-

julie

found my word for the year!

it's a new year! i saw something on facebook the other day that i really liked-it suggested instead of creating a bunch of resolutions to keep up, to choose a word and make that the focus for the year. i have been thinking about it ever since, and i have chosen my word: LOVE.

i'm not talking about romantic love (although, were that to happen, i would hope that he was from florida..), i'm thinking in the more general sense of the word- Christ-like love. i mentioned in an earlier post that one of my friends was reading the 5 love languages, and so i decided it would be good to get a copy and re-read it so that we could have a better discussion. so i went to half price books and got the five love languages for singles- which is much broader than just thinking about a spouse. even in just the first couple of chapters, it has spoken deeply to me- an excerpt: "...as a single adult you want to feel loved by the significant people in your life. you also want to believe that someone needs your love. giving and receiving love is at the center of the single adult's sense of well-being. if you feel loved and needed, you can survive the pressures of life. without love, life can become exceedingly bleak." -gary chapman i think that he hit the nail on the head with that statement as i think about all of my friends who are single (and there are several), i'd be shocked if this weren't true to some extent for every one of us.

how many times in scripture does it talk about this-hard to count (although i'm sure someone has-i'm just not going to look it up right now). like i said, i am just beginning the book; i had to make some reading adjustments...i will finish the other book i mentioned at a later date, as well as bobos in paradise...but i really want to work on this one so that i can start the year out right! not just for my sake, but for the sake of everyone i interact with-intentional. everyone needs to be able to 'survive the pressures of life'--it should not be 'exceedingly bleak' and if i can be a part of making life more survivable, i say, YES! ready to learn #studentoflife

in other news, i went to lowe's yesterday to get a thin sheet of plywood as the backing of a shelf, and when i got out to the car, i set it down and put my bag in the backseat. then i looked at the board, looked at the door...and an older gentleman was observing from a couple of feet away (he'd just gotten out of his truck), and he said, "i've gotta see this!" referring to how the heck i was going to get this in my car. he laughed as we tried the trunk, which was not quite wide enough. he then asked where i lived, as he would've taken it for me in his truck (when i declined, as i lived too far for him to go out of his way). so i said i needed it to be 40 X 48, he suggested we go back in and have them cut it to size. he carried the board in, and told his friend at the counter to have someone meet us back by the saw. the guy was his neighbor-this was his local store, and you could tell that he frequented it often!

after they cut the board to size, i thanked him, and he actually carried it back out to my car for me! humbled. when we got back to the car, the moment of truth-it fit!! but barely-without an inch to spare! he asked if i was a runner-i almost laughed! i said- someday i'd like to be. smile. anyhoo-perhaps someday i'll meet ted again- guessing i reminded him of his daughter or something, it reminded me of something that my dad would do for a gal in distress! smile.

then i got home and prepared for a new year's eve get together. i didn't have plans, and was fully prepared to lounge at home and continue in the series dexter, which i am actually enjoying more the second time around-one of my teacher frineds, jan had suggested it a few years ago, and i tried to get into it, but i just wasn't ready for it, i guess...so when the suggestion came up again, i thought, 'why not.' and now i have another series to immerse myself in- fascinating. BUT my plans changed, when solange invited me over for the evening. she is one of the most hospitable people that i know, and she loves getting people together to share her home.

i don't tell you often enough how much i appreciate you- thank you for always thinking of me!

one of my favorite things is a fire

this one-so talented in computer everything! i always enjoy hearing what his next venture is and what he is working on!

 If you know me, this is pushing my limits. i like going over and visiting with her and the kids-she has 3 fabulously talented and polite children-love them! but when it comes to a get-together with a bunch of people i don't really know...mmm...but i did it, and i didn't hate it. although note to self: while the fire pit is a lovely thing on a chilly night, you always come away smelling like...wait for it... fire pit. so, yes. i smelled as though i'd gone camping. no worries...a shower does wonders! but...then there's the question of the clothing-again, they wash...only the sweater was handwash. great. WORTH IT!!

and on the way home, i had to make a turn off to the bridge overlooking vitruvian park, as it has been one of my favorite holiday views for the past few years!

great way to end/start a year!

so yes, happy new year, may you find your word and focus on it all year!

julie

travel and world views

time at my parents was relaxing, as usual. we had a good time just being together-we always do. puzzles, t.v. and projects. while i was home, mom asked if i would eat the cranberries...i suggested making a cranberry salad and what i would add to it. she looked at me and said, "who did you come from?" my parents aren't super adventurous when it comes to food...you may or may not recall the time i got them to go to get sushi with me...that won't ever happen again. but back to the point, it was good to be with them.

favorite parents ever!

the day before i left, i was able to make it into nixa to get my chacos (the actual flip flops, not my dog, thank you kristi!) and visit with robin, chris's wife, their daughters, and martha, the rees matriarch (smile). it was good to catch up, as i feel like every time i'm in town, time just flies by and we never get to touch base. the weather was a bit treacherous that evening, and there were all sorts of warnings, as the rain was ridiculous. in case you need background, we were on the mission field together with the rees family, and carmen was probably one of my first and dearest friends when we arrived to tegucigalpa. and chris and david, my brother were besties too. can you say that about guys? too late...i guess i can.

the next morning, i made my way home in a full 8 hours of rain. yea. the dogs were troopers, because we couldn't get out to walk at any point-the rain was stupid. i had to get home for a dental appt. that was scheduled for today, and it's good to be home.

travel. it is the best time to think (at least when i'm not mentally-or verbally making harsh comments about rude drivers around me...hopefully the boys don't pick up on my bad habits). anyhoo...i've been reading a book: generation me, which mentions bobos in paradise, which i own and have been meaning to read-now i am even more inclined to read it...but it really is interesting, in that it explains a lot about behavior that i notice, but had never really thought too deeply about.

one of the things mentioned is that the culture has changed to being a very self-centered culture, deciding what's good for 'me,' and the basis of decisions comes from a self-determined set of principles. while this is evident everywhere i look, it seems like such an ill-founded concept.

it made me think about my world views, and i have come to the conclusion that pretty much all of my world views are founded within scripture.

wisdom: from the time i read/heard the story of king solomon being asked what one thing he wanted and it would be granted to him, he chose WISDOM...i knew that was important. also james 3:13-18
keeping promises: let your yes be yes, and your no be no- james 5:12
work ethic: whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men...col.3:23
service: though i am free and belong to no man, i make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible I cor. 9:19
humility: do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. phil. 2:3-4
peace (personal): through following God's laws- great peace have they who love your law and NOTHING can make them stumble psalm 119:165
peace-making: let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. rom. 14:19
friendship: actually, all of these things fall into the idea of friendships and relationships, but the stories that stuck in my mind from sunday school were the friendships of david and jonathan, ruth and naomi, Jesus, john, peter...
edification: therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. I thes. 5:11
generosity: the macedonian churches who gave generously even in their difficulties II cor. 8, the widow who gave what she had
sexual immorality: I cor. 6:12-20

i could go on and on, but the point is, my world views come from a higher standard. not having a higher authority on your basic principles seems problematic. am i where i need to be by these standards? by no means!  i have work to do in every area, and i'm okay with that...the bigger point is that i have these principles embedded in my heart, and i know that it is by the grace of God and nothing that i can do to reach further and continue to grow!

ok, so i need to finish this book so that i can move on to bobos, recommended by my dear friend nika, years ago!