well. i have a huge headache-still. i think it's from crying, and thinking-processing on the spot. TWICE (2X). both conversations were closely related, and neither of them were easy, in fact they were uncomfortable. it's always interesting to me the correlation of comfort level to importance and necessity of resolution. i've never thought of myself as super sensitive, but apparently i am about things that are important to me.
without going into specifics, i will say that instructional coaching is a tough position- your biggest strength can be your biggest weakness, and often is...at least for me. i build strong relationships. i've been at cabell since 2007, and i have some long-standing friendships and this year i have been fortunate to add new friendships. this is great until it's not. figuring out the lines of personal and professional...i need a set of lenses that makes the lines less blurry. during our conversation, when one of my pl coaches said, "julie, i worry for you." that was a red flag. *cue tears.
truth is hard. truth hurts. truth is good. truth is necessary.
to be refined and get the impurities out, fire is necessary. this applies not only to my professional life, but to life in general. my friends who choose to speak the hard truths into my life are the ones i value the most. God's instruments to help refine me. i read this from a devotional, and today it wasn't about my walk with God, but the same principal-applied to work. i am thankful for kristen, vanessa and andrea-
He is a refiner's fire, and that makes all the difference. A refiner's fire does not destroy indiscriminately like a forest fire. A refiner's fire does not consume completely like the fire of an incinerator. A refiner's fire refines. It purifies. It melts down the bar of silver or gold, separates out the impurities that ruin its value, burns them up, and leaves the silver and gold intact. He is like a refiner's fire.
It does say FIRE. And therefore purity and holiness will always be a dreadful thing. There will always be a proper "fear and trembling" in the process of becoming pure. We learn it from the time we are little children: never play with fire! And it's a good lesson! Therefore, Christianity is never a play thing. And the passion for purity is never flippant. He is like fire and fire is serious. You don't fool around with it.
But it does say, he is like a REFINER'S fire. And therefore this is not merely a word of warning, but a tremendous word of hope. The furnace of affliction in the family of God is always for refinement, never for destruction.
so, yes, today was not as easy as i was hoping it would be. and then i had to follow it up with an after school pd-which went fine, but i was not all that convincing. i'm pretty sure our CAR rep thinks i'm an idiot, but that's alright, i'd think so too. i hate following an agenda that i didn't create. and to go with that, the crowd was not very responsive #itwaslikepullingteeth
but i got through it. tomorrow i am off campus again-sigh. and the next day. friday. friday i will be on campus.
yesterday was sweet. (literally), i came back to campus for a debrief from our amazing central pl team, and it was great feedback. and our team had gotten nothing bundt cake cupcakes! late bday celebration! that was thoughtful-they know me well! smiles. and when i finally got back into my room, i had fun surprises on my desk!
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| jeri found this perfect little box- which i think i have the perfect place for (that will help me hide some clutter! :) ) |
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| and solange knows my love of notebooks-i love the hard covers that she finds, and this one is from korea (although, i have yet to see a korean with a handlebar mustache! interesting!) |
that was thoughtful!
tonight i called my mom--i interrupted a church meeting that she was in...oops. and i asked her to help me out with one of the challenges that we put forth the other night of asking our mom to describe us in one page, how they would describe us to a friend or co-worker (i talked a little about this here). it's funny how we see ourselves, and how others see us. sometimes it's difficult to take in, but i think it will be a good practice!
not gonna' lie, i am drained--the conversations that i had today really did exhaust me. going to bed early.not ready for tomorrow.
good night-don't be afraid of the fire.
julie
